How Stupid Are You?

I contend there is an unconscious evaluation of other people’s level of intelligence based on our perception of their actions. This evaluation is rooted in our internal need for a greater understanding of our surroundings and the people with whom we interact. Intelligence is the common metric that we use for understanding actions. The more successful or understandable the action is, the higher the correlation to their intelligence. A woman picks the quickest moving line at the grocery checkout, she is smart. Conversely, the more bizarre or unsuccessful the action is, the lower we rank their intelligence on the spectrum of dullard to genius. A man puts his shoes on the wrong feet, he’s an idiot.

I challenge the validity of this surface level assessment and assert that the intelligence of a person is not reflected by the outcome of their actions.

I use as my hypothesis a question “HOW STUPID DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO GET LOCKED INSIDE A BATHROOM STALL?” At face value, I believe we can all agree to the answer would fall somewhere between- this guy is lucky to get socks on before putting on his shoes and the person who always responds to the statement “It’s Raining” with the question “Outside?” on the spectrum of intelligence.

This would be the first question that would come to my mind if I were to walk into a bathroom, only to find a man sliding underneath the stall door on his back. (**I've ommited several Republican jokes. Feel free to think of your favorite and then REFOCUS) So, you walk into the bathroom and find a man wedged half way underneath of a locked stall.

Quickly, let me address the question of etiquette. Would you acknowledge them as they are freeing themselves from his one seat cell or do you adhere to basic bathroom rules and focus your attention on the reason you are there? At a minimum, I think you should say hello since there will obviously be eye contact, as they are looking panic ridden at you. I will agree that offering a hand to assist them is outside the realm of what is expected in polite society and should be avoided in adherence to public heath standards.

On to our central question. While you’re going about your business, listening to sounds of a man dislodging himself from underneath the door, you will begin to judge this soul as he quickly escapes the bathroom with what little dignity he has left. I ask everyone to be honest with yourselves at this moment and think of your own response. My first thought would be “You have to be a complete moron to get locked in a bathroom stall”.

Now we will examine our central question from the perspective of the other party. When the need arises to use a public bathroom it is not the most pleasant of daily events, for the majority of people it is something that we are required to do on a daily basis since we venture away from our homes. It’s such a common event that most of us don’t realize the frequency because it’s not something we keep in our daily memories. With any basic action, there are general assumptions that we make about the consistency and commonality of the events. When we get a drink at a water fountain, we expect a cool stream of water to appear at an acceptable level, when we get out of bed in the morning, we expect our legs to stand, and when we lock a door, we expect it to unlock.

In this situation, let’s call him “W”, has relied on his past experience to say that a locked door will unlock. However, at this moment, that is not the case. W is an even temperated college graduate, with solid grasp of the world around him. W’s first thought is that he didn’t use the lock the right way and they try to open the door again. However, the door is still stuck. Now a small wave of panic washes over W. “How am I going to get out?”, W thinks. He hurriedly tries to unlock the door a third and fourth time, but still no luck. It is now that true intelligence kicks in with the analysis of his options.

First, W assesses the situation. “I’m stuck in a semi clean public restroom in a stall made of a medium to semi firm material. There is a small opening around the bottom and the top of the stall. I’m sure that I’m in the restroom alone and the location of the restroom leads me to believe that it is not a heavily utilized facility. Man, this sucks”.

W then identifies and weighs his options:

• I can use brute force and break force the door open. Pro- I’m out fairly quickly and can probably get away without anyone knowing I damaged the door. Con- I’m going to damage the door and possible harm myself while kicking it open (it would be my luck)


• I can use my cell phone to call someone for help. Pros- I’m out. Con- Someone is now aware of the situation and I hear about this for a long, long, long time.


• I can climb over the top. Pro- I’m not on the floor. Con- It’s pretty high, I might not fit, I could fall and I’m not sure this structure is sturdy enough to hold me.


• I can slide under- Pro- Easiest to perform. Con- I have to slide on the floor and I might get stuck.

This brings us back to the time that we walked into the bathroom with someone sliding underneath the stall door.

I contend that intelligence is relative to the perspective of the person. As with our friend W, they were a victim of a poor choice of stalls and poor timing of someone walking into that particular bathroom, however; they used all their intellectual ability to select the best remedy with the lowest risk of damage and harm to their ego and body. The next interesting question will come from the facility cleaning crew that has to figure out why someone would lock a stall from the inside?