Cool Sleep Disorders

I was reading Time Magazine yesterday and came across an article referencing a Travel Lodge Press Release. The press release detailed the increase in nude sleepwalkers in the last year, totaling 400. The report stated that Travel Lodge sleep walkers typically ask for a late check out, the newspaper or directions to the bathroom. This increase in disrobed guests has prompted Travel Lodge to require towels in the hotel lobby to “preserve a nude sleepwalker's dignity”. The investigation into this rise in bare butt guests showed that the top 3 reasons for sleep walking are Stress, Alcohol and Cheese. That’s right…..CHEESE. Apparently a diet high in cheese prompts semi-conscious steaking in England. The badgers must get an eyefull in Wisconsin.

This story got me to thinking--There are so many cool sounding sleep disordered that I think would be beneficial to suffer from, if you could get past the debilitating sleep deprivation. Take insomnia as an example. How cool would it be if you could utilize the extra ¼ of a day that you wouldn’t need to sleep? There is a reoccurring debate in some circles of male interaction posing the non-sense question “What super power would you like to have”. To date, I’ve never had a good answer to this question. As Dane Cook pointed out, everyone wants to fly, so the pressure is on to come up with something original and worthwhile. From now on I can answer with confidence; I want non-debilitating insomnia.

The condition of sleep walking is also called Somnambulism, defined as “engaging in activities that are normally associated with wakefulness (such as eating or dressing), which may include walking, without the conscious knowledge of the subject”. On average, 10% of the sleep walking incidents end in the person harming themselves, most of the time resulting in a bruise or a cut. I suffer from a mild form of somnambulism, but I don’t get any of the cool benefits. I tend to wander around the bedroom, dig through the sheets looking for one of my boys, or try to keep the light on the ceiling from falling. This typically annoys my wife, but occasionally it provides a dinner theater amusement value. Why can’t I parlay this disorder into cleaning dishes, doing the laundry or any of the other tedious tasks that consume my day? To date I haven’t traveled outside of my room naked, but I’ve never stayed in a Travel Lodge.