What do you love you ask. It’s the simple pleasures in life. The changing of the leaves on the trees (bright reds and oranges accenting a deep yellow), the way a hammock sways in the breeze as I’m right in between sleep and awake, the way a yard looks after a fresh cut, and getting my Sports Illustrated on Monday evening. However, yesterday was a very disappointing day. As I return from a grueling day at work, I parked my Jeep in the garage and eagerly approached my mailbox, only to open the little metal door and find…………………nothing. That’s right, no mail. How could this be? The postal service always delivers the mail by 4 PM and my watch says its 5:15 PM. My first thought is, “I hope my letter carrier is not hurt”, quickly followed by, “Where the Hell is my magazine”.
Why didn’t we get any mail yesterday? Freakin’ Christopher Columbus. I ask once again, why does this cat gets a national holiday? I know there are no holidays in October and we need to have a day off for something, but can’t we pick something else. The only acceptable answer to this question is if we truly have Columbus Day in remembrance of Columbus’s journey. Everyone is supposed to go to work on Monday, but they couldn’t find their actual destination so they ended up somewhere as nice as they wish for the day, they then return home and tell everyone they went to work and called it a day. We can leave out the part about spreading a new strain of STDs. This does not constitute a mail stoppage.
Everyone say it with me……HE GOT LOST AND NEVER MADE IT. He was trying to find a faster route to India and hit the Caribbean islands. The Indies used to crank out a lot of product in the 1400s. He knew how big Europe was and the amount of goods they were consuming. Did he think these little islands generated enough goods to sustain Europe’s demand? Was Santa Claus in charge of production? Not only was he a terrible navigator, he possibly was an all around idiot.
Instead of Columbus Day, I suggest a day of peace. Peace from war, Peace from work, Peace from the pressures of life, Good ol’Peace and quiet. That should be our October holiday. A national day of napping. And cleaning. One last clean before the Northerns shut themselves in for the winter. Peace and a Dust free environment. Join with me now. For the educators among us, please expose this fraudulent holiday for what it is.
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