I was sitting with my son last week, on a hard plastic table inside Sam’s club, awaiting the end of the checkout process. These idle times in life present little life lesson that I should pass along from father to son. His understanding of the world around him is evolving very quickly, so I try not to overload him with everything I want to teach him at the moment it flashes into my head. This form of self restraint causes me to keep a mental list of the things I need to teach him in the future. Addition to the list Item # 2018— When presented the option, the perfect beverage is always a Large Suicide, no Diet.
My head began to spin as I watched two high school kids purchase cups for the fountain drink and then proceed to the drink dispenser and only select Sierra Mist. “Just Sierra Mist”, I thought, “What’s happened to the creativity of today’s youth”? Does this lack of inventiveness stem from their repressive upbringing in a household that imposed a single beverage selection for consumption or is it their elders fault for their ignorance to the wonders of a flavor combination that is created with a Suicide Drink?
As we left the store, I began to crave a sugary drink that is now foreign to my sugar free world. Sugar and hyperactivity is for the young. I no longer have the enough energy to maintain the sugar high for 12 straight hours before the inevitable crash. My mind began to fill with the drinks of my youth and I present to you the definitive list of Soda Beverages:
Top 5 Ranking: Schweeepes Ginger Ale, Orange Crush, Squirt, Cherry 7-Up, & Dr. Pepper.
It’s not only sodas that have consumed my thoughts of late. Six years ago, my addictive personality discovered the wonder that is a Bloody Mary. I was in the ‘Ville for the weekend and felt a degree of shame as I ordered a beer at 11 am. Instead I decided to try an American Tailgate classic as my early morning beverage. My first drink provided a full bodied beverage with the perfect mix of spice, flavor and enough sodium to preserve my intestines for the remainder of the winter.
How can you not love a beverage that is garnished with a small side salad? I’ve had Bloody Mary’s with Celery stalks, olives, lemons, limes and once a dill pickle. At Mike Ditka’s in Chicago, they serve a Bloody “Mike” with a shrimp skewer that should be classified as an appetizer. I use to sample Bloody Mary’s wherever I went, rating each place on a comparable basis to the Eggplant Parmesan Scale. This experimenting stopped when I ventured into foreign lands and tried Toronto’s version—The Bloody Caesar. I was introduced to some repulsive red liquid called Clamato juice, which must be Canadian for “Tomatoes marinated with smelly feet”.
Even though my thoughts are filled with exotic beverages, I return to the reality that is my day to day intake. My consumption of Bloody Marys has subsided and have been replaced with a daily can of V-8 to address my tomato based habit (removing the liters of empty Vodka bottles from my recycling bin). So, I’ll settle for some reduced calorie (read flavor) Cola and save up my sugar credits for shots of Black Haus in the spring on the back porch.
My head began to spin as I watched two high school kids purchase cups for the fountain drink and then proceed to the drink dispenser and only select Sierra Mist. “Just Sierra Mist”, I thought, “What’s happened to the creativity of today’s youth”? Does this lack of inventiveness stem from their repressive upbringing in a household that imposed a single beverage selection for consumption or is it their elders fault for their ignorance to the wonders of a flavor combination that is created with a Suicide Drink?
As we left the store, I began to crave a sugary drink that is now foreign to my sugar free world. Sugar and hyperactivity is for the young. I no longer have the enough energy to maintain the sugar high for 12 straight hours before the inevitable crash. My mind began to fill with the drinks of my youth and I present to you the definitive list of Soda Beverages:
Top 5 Ranking: Schweeepes Ginger Ale, Orange Crush, Squirt, Cherry 7-Up, & Dr. Pepper.
It’s not only sodas that have consumed my thoughts of late. Six years ago, my addictive personality discovered the wonder that is a Bloody Mary. I was in the ‘Ville for the weekend and felt a degree of shame as I ordered a beer at 11 am. Instead I decided to try an American Tailgate classic as my early morning beverage. My first drink provided a full bodied beverage with the perfect mix of spice, flavor and enough sodium to preserve my intestines for the remainder of the winter.
How can you not love a beverage that is garnished with a small side salad? I’ve had Bloody Mary’s with Celery stalks, olives, lemons, limes and once a dill pickle. At Mike Ditka’s in Chicago, they serve a Bloody “Mike” with a shrimp skewer that should be classified as an appetizer. I use to sample Bloody Mary’s wherever I went, rating each place on a comparable basis to the Eggplant Parmesan Scale. This experimenting stopped when I ventured into foreign lands and tried Toronto’s version—The Bloody Caesar. I was introduced to some repulsive red liquid called Clamato juice, which must be Canadian for “Tomatoes marinated with smelly feet”.
Even though my thoughts are filled with exotic beverages, I return to the reality that is my day to day intake. My consumption of Bloody Marys has subsided and have been replaced with a daily can of V-8 to address my tomato based habit (removing the liters of empty Vodka bottles from my recycling bin). So, I’ll settle for some reduced calorie (read flavor) Cola and save up my sugar credits for shots of Black Haus in the spring on the back porch.
5 comments:
Mark - Please check out my new favorite book titled "Skinny Bit*h" (excerpt on Amazon.com) which details the effects of the foods we consume today, and spefically talks about the poisonous contents of these fruity, thirst quenching beverages you reference. Are you aware that putting this junk into your body is liquid sugar which equals fat cells which means I am not a "skinny bitc$"??? Avoid sugar, drink H2O!!!
Water is fine, but doesn't have the same kick as a good Orange Pop. It's not like I'm mainlining crack.
I will check out your book.
Water is fine, but doesn't have the same kick as a good Orange Pop. It's not like I'm mainlining crack.
I will check out your book.
Yeah mark, crack is "so 2007", get over yourself!
I'm resistant to change.
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