The cloud of sickness has finally receded from the corners of my head. I spent the majority of last week in a haze created by a cocktail of sinus tablets, cold and flu liquids and any losange that claimed to shorten the life cycle of any known virus. I hate being sick and I’m a terrible patient. I tend to walk around the house moaning, which makes be feel a little better but doesn’t do much for my homes inhabitants.
I had every intention of writing last week, but my view of the events around me must have been distorted by my medication.. Here is what I worked through last week:
Castro has resigned the Cuban Presidency so he can star in Latin version of MTV’s “Run’s House”. As long as I can remember, I’ve seen images
of Castro in his Army Green Military suit that he adorns day in and day out. Now there is an announcement that he is retired and ever network carries footage of Fidel lounging in his red Adidas track suit (honestly, with a beard that stlyish, that could be me in 50 years). My mind swirled with the possibilities. Has Castro been rocking a pair of shell toe 3 stripe kicks with his military outfit all these years? When the US ends this silly trade embargo with Cuba, will Steven Tyler break down the symbolic wall with his microphone stand only to find Castro and Rick Rubin kicking back? I’m not sure when this new show will premier, but I look forward to Fidel’s sitting in a bathtub, chomping on a cigar, sending a text message to Elián Gonzalez with the weeks highlights—I love a good reality show.
It’s possible I hooked up with Hilary Clinton. This is a possibility that I can’t defiantly deny with any certainty, but I'm definitely getting the wrath of a scorned woman. For the last week, Hilary has been calling my house every other day and she sounds PISSED OFF. For the most part, I’ve been too weak to rush around the house to answer the phone, so I voicemail do it’s thing. Repeatedly, I would hear the faint screeching of Hilary’s voice coming from the other room, as she left a 3-4 minute message. I’m not sure where this interaction took place, but I know she has been criss-crossing Ohio and NyQuil puts my head in such a fuzz that I can’t account for all my time last week. To put some closure to this matter-- Hilary, whatever happened, whatever I promised, I’m sorry and didn’t mean it (just like your position on Free Trade).
The US Military destroyed a falling satellite with a missile, possibly with Bruce Willis as commander. I was shocked to find out that Bruce Willis was capable of producing a
hit, but I’m more concerned with the thousands of pieces of falling debris that are on their way to Earth. The news reports attempted to project a reassuring tone, stating that the shrapnel chunks were less than the size of a football. A softball meets that size criteria and I don’t want a softball hitting anywhere around me at the speed of a gravity. There is no prediction as to the location of these pieces of metal, but the hope is that most will fall into the ocean. As I sucked on a Halls drop I thought, “It would suck if you were going out to sea on a cruise, decided to lay out on the deck for a little winter tan, only to be struck by a sharp piece of metal falling out of the sky”. Hey NASA, can I at least get a date range for falling metal so I’ll know if I should keep the top on my Jeep? It would be nice to plan for the days when these items will be re-entering the atmosphere, so that I can make sure the thin canvas top will be available to provide a little resistance as I’m assaulted from the heavens?
At last, I’m happy to report that I’m feeling much better and my dependency on gel caps is gone. I can once again return to my station in life.
I had every intention of writing last week, but my view of the events around me must have been distorted by my medication.. Here is what I worked through last week:
Castro has resigned the Cuban Presidency so he can star in Latin version of MTV’s “Run’s House”. As long as I can remember, I’ve seen images
of Castro in his Army Green Military suit that he adorns day in and day out. Now there is an announcement that he is retired and ever network carries footage of Fidel lounging in his red Adidas track suit (honestly, with a beard that stlyish, that could be me in 50 years). My mind swirled with the possibilities. Has Castro been rocking a pair of shell toe 3 stripe kicks with his military outfit all these years? When the US ends this silly trade embargo with Cuba, will Steven Tyler break down the symbolic wall with his microphone stand only to find Castro and Rick Rubin kicking back? I’m not sure when this new show will premier, but I look forward to Fidel’s sitting in a bathtub, chomping on a cigar, sending a text message to Elián Gonzalez with the weeks highlights—I love a good reality show.It’s possible I hooked up with Hilary Clinton. This is a possibility that I can’t defiantly deny with any certainty, but I'm definitely getting the wrath of a scorned woman. For the last week, Hilary has been calling my house every other day and she sounds PISSED OFF. For the most part, I’ve been too weak to rush around the house to answer the phone, so I voicemail do it’s thing. Repeatedly, I would hear the faint screeching of Hilary’s voice coming from the other room, as she left a 3-4 minute message. I’m not sure where this interaction took place, but I know she has been criss-crossing Ohio and NyQuil puts my head in such a fuzz that I can’t account for all my time last week. To put some closure to this matter-- Hilary, whatever happened, whatever I promised, I’m sorry and didn’t mean it (just like your position on Free Trade).
The US Military destroyed a falling satellite with a missile, possibly with Bruce Willis as commander. I was shocked to find out that Bruce Willis was capable of producing a
hit, but I’m more concerned with the thousands of pieces of falling debris that are on their way to Earth. The news reports attempted to project a reassuring tone, stating that the shrapnel chunks were less than the size of a football. A softball meets that size criteria and I don’t want a softball hitting anywhere around me at the speed of a gravity. There is no prediction as to the location of these pieces of metal, but the hope is that most will fall into the ocean. As I sucked on a Halls drop I thought, “It would suck if you were going out to sea on a cruise, decided to lay out on the deck for a little winter tan, only to be struck by a sharp piece of metal falling out of the sky”. Hey NASA, can I at least get a date range for falling metal so I’ll know if I should keep the top on my Jeep? It would be nice to plan for the days when these items will be re-entering the atmosphere, so that I can make sure the thin canvas top will be available to provide a little resistance as I’m assaulted from the heavens?At last, I’m happy to report that I’m feeling much better and my dependency on gel caps is gone. I can once again return to my station in life.
2 comments:
I wish I could say that it was the medicine that got to your head and made you write like this, but alas, I cannot. This is just how you are:)
Christy
I can't imagine what you'd write if you were on something stronger than cold medicine.
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