Can I Follow You?

One of my roles of being a good husband is to spend family time each week while American Idol is broadcast. As my sons dance with the people on TV and my wife provides her color commentary of each contestant (the female version of what happens when I’m watching Poker), I sit and watch marginally talented contestants sing classic songs based on their 90 second interpretations.

I’m not distressed by the amateur talent show quality of the event, but at the reaction of the audience that loses its mind for each performance, as if it really were the Beatles returning from the dead. These Idol fans will cheer for anyone, regardless of their talent level.

The compelling aspect that American Idol is missing is the authenticity of Showtime at the Apollo. Here is a show where a lack of talent will get a contestant booed off stage before they finish their act. The contestants know this coming into the event, so a marginal performance isn’t attempted. Eight Time Grammy Winner Lauren Hill was booed off the stage at age 13 during an amateur night performance. There was nothing polite about it, but the event is grounded in realism. (This reaction to performance followed Lauren Hill later in her life, when Bishop’s walk out during a performance at the Vatican because of editorial content, not her performing ability).

The practice of idolatry is a risky proposition. This behavior can be downright dangerous if you choice to idolize anyone that is still living. Yet, popular culture is rooted in the elevation of individual to mythic proportions, only to await the documentation of their Icarucs like fall back to reality when their true self doesn’t match the public perception that is created. As a safety precaution, the practice of idol worship should be abandoned as a step in the maturation process from childhood to adult—similar to the belief in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Social Security or The saving grace of Organized Religion.

The other show that I can’t stop watching is the Moment of Truth, where a contestant is enticed to reveal embarrassing and potentially damaging information in front of loved ones for opportunity to win easy money. The show works because it tears down the unspoken believe of goodness that one person has for their spouse. Relationships work not just because of the things we know about our partners, but also those things that we believe to be true. We want to believe that they are honest, trust worthy and think we look good when we are rolling through the house in our sweat pants and uncombed heads. This show destroys the façade that we are always idolized by our family, just because they are a member of our family.

I too know that I too am susceptible to Idol worship, so I shy aware from meeting those people that I might put on a platform. This caution started when I was when I was in elementary school and saw Huckleberry Hound holding his Huckleberry Head while smoking a cigarette at King’s Island. The seeds questioning authenticity were planted. These seeds matured with an epiphany while at church. I was in the church gym on a weekday and heard something in the sanctuary. When I investigated, I saw the Preacher practicing his sermon for Sunday—- a verbatim delivery of what I would hear Sunday. Up to this point, I didn’t realize that church was a production, just like any other stage show with actors that played a part. Sunday mornings were never the same after that week. The pageantry and spirituality of church melted away and the operational machine of a performance was now visible, like a fog burning off to show the city on the horizon.

So it began-- my fear that the people I look up to in some manner are indeed human and could really be assholes in real life. I decided in most cases, it was better not to know the real person. What would happen if I met Coach K and he had a tremendous case of body odor that created a sensory memory that surfaced every time they were on TV? What if I accepted an outstanding offer to meet Mike Ness (front man for Social Distortion) before a show and as I enter his dressing room I found him watching Fox News, with Genesis playing in the background, as he is getting a cucumber detox face peel?

This is not to disapprovingly characterize those with life altering BO or anyone who likes wrinkle free skin (but you do need to check yourself if you are listening to Fox News or Genesis) they just don’t fit into my vision of what my Idols are about. I’m sure it’s similar to the shock experienced by legions of Anne Rice’s Goth followers when she revealed that she became a born again Christian and no longer subscribed to the world of vampires. But in my world, I want my aging Punk Icons to be a little cantankerous and not in search of a good skin treatment.