Holy Shit

Do you ever have one of those moments where two separate and seemingly benign events merge in your head, creating a juxtaposition that makes the world a little bit clearer? I had one of these moments yesterday as an outcome of the most unlikely of daily chores--- a dirty diaper.
For those of you that are in the process of snacking and are members of the Too Much Bodily Information Society (my old crew), I’ll sanitize this version and only say that my boy Q had a blowout. For the most part, blowouts are not that uncommon of events, but they still leave me in a state of shock when they turn up. Being an old pro at this daddy gig, I do my fatherly chore of ½ cleaning and ½ calf roping with the minimal level of swearing, while mixing in my rendition of Elmo’s world.

As we returned to the living room, I found my corner of the couch and Q returned to playing with his “Life in the Manger- Baby Jesus Action Figure Set”. As my head tipped back and I watched my boys replicate battle between the Wise Men and some random Smurf figures (yes, we add a few new adoring figures to compliment the set) my mind was flooded with some new Christmas questions:

Did Baby Jesus have monster blowouts that made Joseph look to the heavens in bewilderment?

Since Jesus was born long before Pampers, what did they use as diapers in 0 HN and what long term damage did these occurrences’ cause?(Speaking of which, what is the proper calendar reference for the time Jesus had taking the human form? It’s no longer B.C and not yet A.D. In the absence of an answer, I’ll just call it HN- Here Now).

Was a monster blowout the origin for the phrase JESUS CHRIST!!!!!?
This expression is quickly followed by the question—What is your mother feeding you?

Did Jesus ever get in trouble at family gathering for horseplay (camel play?) with his cousin John the Baptist?

Was it impossible to get the family together for holiday gatherings since John’s family was Baptist and celebrated Christmas, while Jesus’ family was Jewish and observed Hanukah?

Did Jesus ever feel resentful that only got presents once a year- Birthday and Christmas on the same day? I think this might have been overshadowed by the fact that his biological father sent him to be beaten, dragged through street while being ridiculed and then nailed to a large wooden structure?

Did Mary ever have to have the following conversation when dealing with Jesus’ and his toddler siblings James or Jude?

"Push, Me” announces little James
“Who pushed you son? Asks his concerned mother.
“Jesus” replies a crying sibling.
“Jesus, what have I told you about doing unto others?”
“He took my sandal” Jesus explains.
“Come on son, you are the Prince of Peace. Stop shoving your brothers”

In retrospect, maybe these thoughts brought out more questions than revelations. I do feel a new bond with Joseph, as a member of some Dad’s Club. According to the tale, Jesus took the human form for his 33 years, so I guess the real moral to the story is that child rearing is difficult whether you are raising the Messiah or your own brood. In the end, everyone has to deal with some degree of Shit!